Tag Archives: vitamins

No Pain, No Gain (or Hell as We Call It)

In an attempt to keep myself healthy and fit, I started seeing a naturopathic doctor (N.D.) who specializes in a more holistic approach to wellness. I guess you can also say that I was getting tired of prescription drug-pushing western medicine doctors. I figured that if I have the ability to drive a car while simultaneously curling my eyelashes, applying eyeliner and lipstick, texting, and eating a breakfast sandwich, I must also have the ability to heal myself naturally.

I’ve gotten all these great vitamins to take to stay healthy. They are natural supplements made up of ingredients like stuff that tastes like crap arabic gum, beet root, and some random animal parts… but I swear to you, they work.

Nothing like starting the day with some A-F Betafood. And yes, these are for me, not for my pet fish.

The other day, the hubby had a stomach ache, and the Tums tablets weren’t working. So, I came to the rescue and gave him a few of my natural digestive supplements:

Me: “Take the pills. I swear you’ll feel much better.”

Mike: “I don’t want to take that crap.”

Me: “Just take them, and stop being a baby.”

Mike (taking a couple pills out of my hand and smelling them): “Ugh! They smell like an outhouse on a tuna boat.”

Me: “Oh quit whining, and take them already.”

Mike (chewing the pills slowly): “These are nasty! What are these supposed to be?!”

Me: “I don’t know. Some natural stuff. Like kale and cow thyroid glands. Just drink some water to wash it down.”

Mike: “These are seriously disgusting. It’s like I’m eating horse manure out of an ashtray.”

Me: “You’ve done worse.”

Mike (pointing to the bottle of pills): “I’m never eating those again.”

Me: “Fine. I’ll be the only one who stays healthy in this house from taking these vitamins.”

Mike (with one eyebrow raised): “Mmm hmm… says the woman who washes down her vitamins with beer.”


Mike: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Well played, husband. Well played. I just hope my N.D. isn’t reading this blog post right now, or I’m in big trouble.



Filed under Chronicles of Marriage