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A Tribute to Mayo

Every time I see a bottle of mayo, it makes me smile.

And, not just any mayo: the Best Foods mayo. It is truly the best.

I blame my infatuation with mayo on my Hawaii upbringing. The Hawaii locals love their mayo, and they can put it on just about anything. I think that I disgust most people (who aren’t from Hawaii, of course) with the amount of things on which I am capable of putting mayo. For instance, I can make a salad dressing out of it as a vegetable dip. I also enjoy mixing it with mustard or ketchup to go with french fries. And, when I put it on a sandwich, I really lay it on thick.

There are times at the dining room table when I am eating something with mayo on it, and the hubby just stares at me with one of the following facial expressions:

MikesFaces

It is usually accompanied by a sigh.

I assume that he is having one or more of the following thoughts:

  1. She is going to die of a heart attack before the age of 40.
  2. She is going to turn into a big fatty who will stay home all day and soak herself in a tub full of mayo.
  3. I can barely stomach my own meal while watching her slather her food with mayo like that.
  4. That mayo cost me six bucks a bottle, and she just ate two bucks.

In the past, the hubby has tried to sneakily swap out my regular mayo for light or generic mayo for my sandwiches, but he is always unsuccessful. I have spydee sense and superpowers when it comes to mayo. I can spot a fake mayo a mile away, and I am merciless if a bottle of fake mayo ends up in my house. In that respect, you can just call me “The Mayonator.” I will rip apart a fake mayo bottle with ease, destroying its contents immediately, like The Incredible Hulk tearing off a t-shirt.

Sometimes people (like my hubby) just have to learn to let go, and stop trying to force logic on an illogical world. Some things are totally unexplainable. For instance:

  1. My intense love for mayo.
  2. Why The Incredible Hulk always busted out of his t-shirt, but never his pants.
  3. Why Donald Trump thinks his fake hair looks fine, and Dolly Parton, Donatella Versace, and Kenny Loggins all think their plastic surgeries look normal.
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What’s Your Interest in Pinterest?

In a feeble attempt to understand the magical and mysterious world of Pinterest, I joined the site last week, and to-date I have zero followers. Buh-bam.

While virtually twiddling my thumbs over there, I’ve had some time to reflect on the situation, during which a couple of thoughts have occurred to me:

1)      What exactly is the purpose of Pinterest?

2)      Why doesn’t Pinterest give members at least one default friend, so no one feels insignificant? Perhaps someone like Myspace Tom, but he could be Pinterest Jim.

From what I’ve been able to gather in the past week, it appears that people pick photos that they consider pin-worthy from the internet to add to their online pin boards. The end result is a virtual collage of sorts.

The most significant thing I’ve learned from Pinterest so far (which is actually pretty awesome) is that you can soak watermelon in tequila, and then dip each slice in margarita salt for what is seemingly the most mind-blowing fruit experience.

Mmmm. Margarita watermelon.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. After a week of research, I’ve come to the conclusion that to become a dedicated pinner, you really can’t have a demanding career. By process of elimination, the majority of Pinterest users must either be disgruntled employees at Initech, full-time students, housewives, or retired members of AARP.

To my amazement, Pinterest aficionados can spend an entire day pinning photos of knitted doilies, vegan goulash recipes, and other totally random things that I would never think anyone would ever be interested in… like a macramé skirt with a jellyfish on it, for instance. Yet, for some reason, it works, and there are other people out there who get it.

As for me, right now I’d regard myself a Silva pin: a beginner with minimal Pinterest interest and no followers.

What’s your interest in Pinterest, and what type of enthusiast are you?

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“Nacho” Average Football Food

Example of a Perfect NachoExample of a Perfect Nacho

See, I told you we were thinking about nachos!

Football season is upon us, which brings to mind beer and snack food. Watching a football game without beer and snacks is like watching a movie without popcorn and soda: it just isn’t right. When thinking about our favorite football game foods, Mike and I agree that fries and nachos rank at the top of the list. They are all finger foods that are easily shareable, filling, and yummy.

Our disclaimer is that not all nachos are created equal. The best ones have an ideal chip-to-topping ratio. It is a failed nacho when there are too many chips and not enough cheese, sour cream and guacamole (the toppings we refer to as “the nucleus”). This type of nacho is terribly disappointing, because many times we end up picking up a lonely chip with nothing to accompany it. This leaves us choking on a bunch of dry tortilla chips. Another failed nacho has too much nucleus and not enough chips. In this instance, the nachos are messy and difficult to eat by hand.

The perfect plate of nachos is proportional: enough nucleus to enough chips. The perfect plate does not require a fork or the Heimlich maneuver. A good way to tell if it is a perfect nacho is to check if every chip has something on it. If the answer is yes, and there are no soggy chips drowning in toppings, then it is probably a good one.

Last week, while watching the opening season game between the University of Hawaii and Colorado, we asked ourselves, who doesn’t like nachos? Turns out, our buddy doesn’t like them. He went through a phase of eating nachos all the time, got burnt out, and now finds them revolting.

We say this with the best intentions, but our friend is downright nuts. Is there anyone else out there in the world who doesn’t like nachos?

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It’s a Fine Line: Maui Breakfast Worth the Wait

The Gazebo trio

It sounds crazy to wait in line for an hour for breakfast, doesn’t it? What if I told you that it would be worth it?

Admittedly, I am not the most patient person, and I find it frustrating to wait in a long line for a meal when I’m hungry. Yet, even I’ve (willingly) stood in line for hours at the little Gazebo Restaurant in Napili, Maui, waiting to savor their mouth-watering breakfast items.

The Gazebo is literally a tiny, oceanfront gazebo at the Napili Shores Resort. It was turned into a sit-down restaurant for a most memorable, casual dining experience. It offers limited seating and an extensive line, since advanced reservations are not accepted.

Don’t let that deter you. If you like to eat and appreciate a tasty, hearty breakfast, this place is for you. The Gazebo’s breakfast specialties are the best of the best.

Here is a list of my Gazebo breakfast favorites (what I refer to as the “Gazebo trio”):

  • White chocolate chip macadamia nut pancakes.

Three huge, fluffy pancakes loaded with chopped, roasted macadamia nuts, white chocolate chips, and smothered in a sweet, buttery, whipped topping that can only be compared to ambrosia, the nectar of the gods. They are the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten. And, I’ve eaten a ton of pancakes in my life (did I just admit that?). Cost: $9.25.

  • Breakfast fried rice plate.

An enormous plate of food that can feed a small army. The plate is stacked high with tasty fried white rice, Portuguese sausage, bacon (who doesn’t like bacon?), purple cabbage, carrots, yellow onion, green onion and scrambled eggs. I know it seems odd to eat fried rice for breakfast, but trust me, you will not be disappointed. Cost: $11.25

  • “Big Kahuna” omelet.

Bacon, Portuguese sausage, mushrooms, onions and avocado wrapped in a fluffy egg blanket and smothered in pepper jack cheese. Comes with a side of country potatoes (or rice) and toast. This is simply a taste of heaven. Cost: $11.25

The Gazebo trio is easily enough food to share between three to four people. Serving sizes are huge, so unless you have mastered the art of portion control, you will probably leave the restaurant stuffed beyond belief. The last time I was there, I wished that I had a bigger stomach. I settled for a doggie bag instead.

The Gazebo Restaurant serves breakfast daily from 7:30 am to 2:00 pm. (808) 669-5621.

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