Tag Archives: random thoughts

Kitty Litter-ature

I’m introducing a new type of writing: it’s called kitty litter-ature. It’s where I make you read an entire blog post about me writing about… you guessed it… kitty litter. You’re welcome in advance. My apologies to those who clicked on this post in the hopes that I would be discussing the life and times of Kitty Wells, Hello Kitty, or something else entirely.

As most of you already know, cleaning the kitty litter box is like… well… cleaning the kitty litter box. It’s one of those chores that has to be done, but no one really wants to do it.

It’s also one of those chores that if left neglected, there are extremely unfavorable consequences. If my husband and I forget to clean it, there’s only so much those fragrant deodorizers can do to help out. During the course of the day, the litter can take a turn from “fresh” to “death” (a smell that I can only describe as analogous to that of potpourri floating in a sewer).

How in the world can something this cute
produce something so inherently rank?
Courtesy of 1funny.com

The ongoing issue that I run into with keeping the kitty litter box clean is that the cats love a clean litter box. Every time I clean it, the cats go right back in there and use it again. It’s a vicious cycle.

You gotta be kiddin’ me! I just cleaned that!
Courtesy of pets.webmd.com

It gets to the point where delusional and evil thoughts start popping into my head:

Hey, maybe they don’t really need a full bowl of food today. Maybe just half a bowl will do it. They look a little overweight.

Hey, maybe if I turn the A.C. down to 50 degrees, it will get chilly in here. They won’t want to drink as much. It does feel really hot in here, and they look a bit feverish.

Of course, I would never do it, but I swear to you, a dirty kitty litter box can push a sane person over the edge.

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Filed under Furry Tales

Proof that My Coolness Hit Its Peak Years Ago

1)      These days, my weekly house chores comprise sweeping up pet hair. And, at times, the clumps of hair are large enough to be mistaken for another pet entirely. Enough said.

2)      I have developed an unhealthy obsession with Brad Paisley, which I think sadly has much to do with the fact that his name is Paisley, I like paisley, and he has a guitar adorned with paisley. Paisley, paisley, paisley. Oh yeah, and he also happens to be very easy on the eyes, unlike actual paisley. This is obviously a problem. I would want to see his face much less if he looked more like Steve Buscemi.

3)      I still say BFF. Apparently I missed the memo that announced the transition from BFF to bestie. I’m all about the BF, BFF, BFE and anything else that starts with the letter bacon. FYI- anyone who follows my blog is an automatic BFF in my book.

4)      I just bought an old, badass minivan to fit all the pets, the husband, and me.

Check out my sweet ride.
Photo courtesy of crazycar.com.

I am kidding, of course.

I got you all with that one, though, didn’t I?

In reality, the chances of me buying a minivan are about as low as my chances for hitting the lottery, and my willpower to stop myself from excessive pancake consumption.

5)      After finding this van picture, I actually found myself contemplating how cool it would be if I had one exactly like it, just so I could name it Kermit or Shrek.

 

?

Okay, who the hell is the funny guy who typed a question mark at end end of my blog post?

That one’s for you Ron Burgundy. And Cassie Behl, who reminded me to laugh today with that Anchorman video. 🙂 http://cassiebehle.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/adversity-its-not-just-a-city-in-adver/

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Filed under Silva Nuggets (Random)

A Girl Wants What a Girl Wants

If you don’t believe me, you should meet our dog Bella. At our house, we have about a dozen containers filled with different treats in the “dog closet.” Everyday, when the dogs go potty, they get a treat as a reward from that closet. Trust me, it’s a tough job to let them out of the house, and get them to stay focused on the goal of relieving themselves. Sometimes they see a stray dog, some cat poop, a shiny object, or something else that distracts them from the task at hand. When they go out and do what they’re supposed to do and come right back, I consider that an accomplishment.

Over the years, I’ve given the dogs little strips of jerky or mini biscuits as a reward for going to the bathroom. After so many times of doing this, I realized that Bella would stare at me with this look. It was the kind of look that seemed to say “What? That’s it?”

One day, she gave me her usual look, and I exclaimed “Fine! Go pick something else then!”

To my surprise, she walked over to the dog closet and actually pointed to the container she wanted: the one with the jumbo chew treats. Okay, don’t get too excited. She didn’t point to the container with her finger… or toe… or whatever that furry nub is. She isn’t that talented. She pointed with her nose. Although, I guess if the guy on the GEICO commercial can train guinea pigs how to row a boat, anything is possible.

At first, I thought it was just a fluke, so I told Bella to pick again. All that proved was that she was smarter than I expected. She went right back and pointed to the same container with her nose.

And, what’s the moral of this story, other than the fact that we have a four-legged, canine prodigy running around the house?

A girl wants what a girl wants. There’s no discouraging a girl on a mission.

 

Have you ever been so focused on a goal that nothing could stop you?

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Filed under Furry Tales

Your Cheese Is Sweating

My town has one of the most interesting sandwich shops in existence. If there were logical rules by which sandwich shops should abide, it would defy most of them.

The first time I went there, the owners were advertising a special sandwich on a huge poster on the front door. When I asked for the special sandwich, they said that it wasn’t available. I asked them why they were advertising a sandwich that they didn’t have, and they stared at me blankly.

I figured I would just order something else. I saw a hot breakfast sandwich on the menu that looked good, so I ordered that instead. They told me it was no longer offered, and they had inadvertently left it on the menu.

The second time I went to the sandwich shop, I was really craving a toasted panini. They explained to me that they had no working toaster oven, and they were out of ciabatta bread.

The third time I went in there (I can’t believe I’m actually admitting that I went back a third time), I immediately got blasted by hot air, after pushing open the front door. Apparently they fixed the toaster oven. What they didn’t fix was the thermostat and the central air. On a warm day, the temperature inside the sandwich shop was significantly higher than the temperature outside.

I went up to the counter and saw what appeared to be a bunch of ailing condiments, waiting for death. I couldn’t help myself from making a comment to the owner standing there. I said “I’m sorry, but it’s like a thousand degrees in here, and your mayo looks sick.” He responded “It’s fine. We keep it cooler behind the counter.” I leaned over the counter, pointed at the slices of cheddar, and replied “Really? Then why is your cheese sweating?”

Another patron in line behind me broke out in laughter. The owner seemed uneasy. I cheerfully remarked “Thanks, but I don’t want any sweaty cheese.”

I haven’t gone back since. I swear.

 

Have you had any interesting food experiences?

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Filed under Stories from the Stomach

5 Places Where People Strike up Conversations and Really Shouldn’t

 

#1- At the grocery store, in the personal hygiene areas. If you see someone you know in these sections of a grocery store, for the love of God, pretend that you don’t see them. The worst thing you can do is go up to them and say “Hey! How’ve you been?” while they are browsing through feminine hygiene products or anti-fungal foot creams. It’s just not a good time.

#2- In a parking garage. We’ve all seen the movies where people are assaulted or shot in horrific parking garage scenes. It’s like the classic Hollywood set up for pending disaster. Don’t feed into people’s insecurities by startling them with random questions like “Do you know where the elevator is?” while they are walking to their cars in a dimly-lit parking garage… unless you enjoy being pepper sprayed.

#3- In the waiting room at a doctor’s office, especially at a gynecology office or an insemination clinic. It is never a great idea to ask someone in these places “So, what brings you here?” Also, even if someone looks 100% pregnant in the waiting room at a gynecologist’s office, don’t ever assume they are. Resist the urge to make small talk and ask them “When are you due?” You should know by now that sometimes people who look pregnant are really just overweight.

#4- In a public restroom. If you use the women’s restroom, don’t be the lady who asks a stranger in an adjacent stall to hand you toilet paper. Check for toilet paper before you sit down. And if you use the men’s restroom, don’t be the guy who makes eye contact with other people at the urinal and then strikes up a conversation.

#5- In line at the ATM. People are already extra cautious at an ATM when they have to get cash out or deposit checks. There have been so many cases of people getting their personal information and purses stolen at ATM’s. Don’t make people more nervous by talking to them while they are putting in their PIN… unless, again, you like being pepper sprayed.

 

Can you think of any other places where people strike up conversations and really shouldn’t?

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Filed under Silva Nuggets (Random)