I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Driver’s Test

By Haljackey (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Me (to the hubby while driving): “My driver’s license expires soon, and they won’t let me renew it by mail.”

Mike: “I know. It’s a new security procedure. You need to go in and take a written test.”

Me (rolling my eyes): “What?! But, I know how to drive.”

Mike: “I understand. You still need to take the test. By the way, you just sped up to beat that light, and it was already turning red. I suggest you study.”

Me: “Why do I need to study? How hard can a stupid driver’s license test be? Everybody speeds up to beat the red light.”

Mike: “Okay smarty, what did that solid, white line mean that you just crossed in the intersection?”

Me: “I don’t know. It’s like a recommendation not to cross.”

Mike: “You just crossed it while speeding.”

Me: “I don’t like boundaries. I’m more of a color-outside-of-the-lines type of driver.”

Mike: “You’re going to fail.”

Me: “You can cross it with caution. I do it all the time.”

Mike: “Explain that to the police when they pull you over for reckless driving.”

Me: “They won’t even care about my reckless driving when they see that I have an expired license. I’ll just throw a donut out the car window as a distraction. When they go running after it, I’ll make a quick getaway.”

Mike (shaking his head): “I’ll start getting some cash together for your bail money.”


Law, shmaw. I don’t need no stinkin’ driver’s test.

What I do need is an appropriate response to a 7×7 blogger award that I just got from Addie over at Betwixt and Between.

Here goes: thank you, Addie, you kick ass. I want you to know that it took me all night to come up with that. You also don’t need to take any driver’s tests if you don’t want to. You’re welcome.


The things I have been asked to do as a recipient of this award are:

1. Share something about myself that no one (in the blogging community) knows. I asked the hubby to help me with this one, and he said, “Nobody knows you’re nice. Tell them that. Ha ha.” Punk.

2. Link up to 7 posts of mine that I feel worthy of the pre-determined 7×7 blogger award categories. Fortunately, “Most Gag-Reflex Inducing Piece” wasn’t one of the categories (phew), so things can only go up from here.

3. Pay it forward. The 7×7 blogger award is a hot potato, so I need to pass it on to 7 other wonderful bloggers (my pleasure!):



Filed under Chronicles of Marriage

17 responses to “I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Driver’s Test

  1. Michelle Gillies

    I love this conversation. I’m pretty sure I’ve even participated in it once or twice. 😉
    Thank you for including me in your list. I confess, this is the first time I have heard of this award. I will attempt to do you proud.

  2. Hilarious as usual. And yeah, I’m not taking the darn test anytime soon. I’m now off to reading the seven pieces.

  3. Mike

    You’re lucky there is only one cop that gives out tickets here. Otherwise, you would need a frequent buyer card from krispy kream.

    • My driving is fine, honey. I swear. You just caught me on a bad driving day. It’s like a bad hair day for motorists. Does Krispy Kreme really have a frequent buyer card?!

  4. Really? Really? We have to take a test now. I can’t just drag in about 30 documents and my Avon lady to attest I am who I say I am? Hopefully you your local constable isn’t on a diet.

    • Your Avon lady… classic. I can attest to the fact that the Avon lady could be a viable way to vouch for someone. In Two Pan, is the constable also the mayor? That is a sure sign of a small town. 🙂

  5. stillstrange

    Ugh, I think my driver’s test is coming up next year. Now, I have a whole year to stress over it. thx. Just kidding, the state laws will probably change by then so no use studying the book yet.

  6. “I’ll just throw a donut out the car window as a distraction.”—I think this is a brilliant idea!

    Congratulations and thank you for the award!

  7. Oh my gosh! They are going to make you take a test? Ridiculous! Just bring them all doughnuts and I am positive you will pass 😉

    • Thank you, and yes, I did pass! Admittedly, I was more worried about taking an unflattering I.D. photo, lol. I didn’t want to come out looking like a titan with 5 chins! 😉

  8. You drive like my best friend! I’ll never forget the smell of hot glue that used to show up when she hit a pothole going 50 and we hit our heads on the top of the roof, the engine smoking. Takes me back!

    • Classic! The funny thing is that I just tried to avoid a pothole today while I was going about 60 MPH! Unfortunately I still drove over part of it, but lucky for me, I was going so fast, my tire kind of floated by it like a hovercraft… didn’t even feel a thing, ha ha! 😉

  9. Pingback: Potato Salad « Silkpurseproductions's Blog

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