Dicey Valentine’s Day Gifts

For those of you who read our last post about Valentine’s Day Doozies, you know that we want to help you get through the day as painlessly as possible.

That being said, unless you plan on completely blowing off Valentine’s Day, remember to be vigilant when choosing your gifts. We would recommend sticking with the basics. Anything else would be risky at best.

Let’s discuss some dicey gift options, shall we?

  1. Breath mints. Even if they’re cute, heart-shaped mints, this is a volatile gift idea. By giving your partner breath mints, two possible reactions could occur: 1) They’ll smile and say thank you. 2) They’ll hurl the box across the room and shout “Oh my God, you think I have halitosis!” The question is: are you feeling lucky?

  1. Koozies. Particularly ones that are designed to fit a 40-oz. bottle of malt liquor and made to look like a brown paper bag. Stay away from these. They scream “I think you’re an alcoholic!”

  1. Mugs. And not just any mugs: impractical toilet bowl mugs. Don’t give a “crappy” Valentine’s Day gift. Although, if it makes a flushing sound when you take a sip, that might actually be funny… for a brief second.

  1. Books. The Twilight series = popular. A book called What’s Your Poo Telling You? = grounds to get banished to the couch. Yes, this is an actual book. It even comes with an activity workbook on Amazon. Don’t do it.

  1. Bath and body products. Those from The Body Shop or Bath and Body Works would most likely be harmless. But, we’d urge you to skip the bacon lip balm and body gel from a novelty store. Whoever you give these products to would make your mouth water every time they walk by (perhaps not such a bad idea after all). Unfortunately, they’d probably make you crave a BLT. And in the heat of the moment, this could be hazardous, especially if you’re hungry: you might inadvertently bite them and draw blood.

 

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14 Comments

Filed under Silva Nuggets (Random)

14 responses to “Dicey Valentine’s Day Gifts

  1. Someone can buy me Bacon Balm! It will go nicely with my bacon band-aids and dental floss. Mmmm to bacon, but boo to poo.

  2. Oh! No! I get a mug for every special occasion from my husband! At first I was appalled now I just find it funny…

  3. Tell me honestly – who wouldn’t adore bacon lip balm?!? Who!? Lemme attem…..

  4. Ah! The toilet bowl mug. I waaaaaant!

    • You’re not alone, ha ha. I’ve talked about my pets making a “pukeasso,” so in that tradition, I figure 2 of these mugs can be a his and hers set of a “peecasso” and a “poocasso.” I may have to do a giveaway! 😉

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