14 Valentine’s Day Doozies

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, people should be able to go out, have fun, and enjoy it. We would hate for anyone to ruin their chance for romance, so here are 14 things to avoid doing and saying at all costs:

  1. “I know it may look like someone else’s name was scratched out at the top of your Valentine’s Day card. But, it’s not that. I got it on clearance, so it had some writing in it already.”
  2. “I’m so glad you were available tonight. I can’t believe my ex cancelled on me at the last minute.”
  3. “How can pants make you look fat? If you’re fat, you’re fat. Just wear anything. Your clothes aren’t going to alter reality one way or another.”
  4. “What’s that smell? Oh God, you didn’t try to bake me cookies again did you?”
  5. “The Ross sales sticker must have come off something else I bought, and then somehow gotten stuck to your box of candy.”
  6. “Last year my date stood me up, so I’m glad I finally have someone to give these chocolates to.”
  7. “I’ve only got about 10 bucks on me. Either you can pay for dinner, and I’ll get you back next time, or we can go to McDonald’s and order off the dollar menu.”
  8. “French fries? Are you sure you don’t want the salad? There are a lot less calories in the salad.”
  9. “What time is it? If I eat onions after 8, I’ll be gassy all night.”
  10. “I have to make a call. My dog gets lonely. I like to leave him a message on the answering machine periodically, so he can hear my voice.”
  11. “I really should get going. If I don’t make it home by 10, my mom will freak out and think something happened to me.”
  12. “I’m pushing 40, and I really haven’t gotten any valentines except from my parents. Anyway, what do you think about marriage and kids?”
  13. “So, you want to come back to my place for… uh… coffee?” *wink*
  14. “How do you feel about herpes? Who doesn’t have it these days, am I right?”
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17 Comments

Filed under Silva Nuggets (Random)

17 responses to “14 Valentine’s Day Doozies

  1. You’ll be fine, I’m sure.

  2. Can we pick and choose one or two, or should we avoid using any of them altogether?

    • Yeah, I would say avoid them altogether. Unless, of course, you are feeling extra lucky and think you can pull off casually interjecting one or two of these doozies into casual conversation. If you do end up using one or two of them, don’t forget to report back and let me know how that turned out! 😉

  3. cassiebehle

    Good stuff as always! I was LOLing all over the place with that list! ROFLing, even! 🙂

  4. If some guy actually used any of these lines to me, I might just be like “Oh you read Silva? You’re cool. I’ll be ready by 7 *wink*”

  5. So many good ones! However, if I had to vote, I’d vote for 3. I really love that response and plan to use it. Wish me luck! HF

    • Oh boy Harper, you are braver than I gave you credit for! Wow! I wish you luck… you are going to need it if you use #3! Please report back with an update! (keep in mind that you might be reporting back with an update from the couch after your wife kicks you out of the bedroom, so I hope you have a laptop) 😉

  6. These are great. Now, I hate to ask how you came to know about these. Hopefully you didn’t choose the top 10 from your repertoire of dating scripts. (Charming art)

  7. Pingback: Dicey Valentine’s Day Gifts | Silva Gang

  8. Pingback: I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Driver’s Test | Silva Gang

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