‘Twas the nightmare before Christmas, and all through the plane,
The chaos and noise were driving me insane.
Big carry-ons were stuffed in bins over my head,
As I thought hopefully none of them crush me dead.
All passengers got nestled snug in their chairs,
Especially the ones who had first-class fares (not us).
In the seat next to me was an overweight man,
It wasn’t Santa, because his name was Dan.
He took up his coach seat plus two inches of mine,
What’s going to happen if he decides to recline?
He nodded off and got closer with every breath,
I had serious concerns I’d be smothered to death.
As he continued to invade my personal space,
I actually considered using my mace.
He started hacking up phlegm and coughing too,
Why’d I get seated next to the guy with swine flu?
I repeated to myself: this too shall pass,
Along with all of this guy’s digestive gas.
He got up to stretch his legs and stepped on my feet,
Why in the hell didn’t he get an aisle seat?
Then all of a sudden my foot and leg were wet,
The overweight man spilled his free drink, I bet.
I really started to regret flying coach,
What’s going to show up next, a cockroach?
There was some turbulence followed by fear,
But then we landed and I gave out a cheer.
I thanked God for vodka as I rushed off the flight,
Safe travels to all, and to all a good night!
Have you had any nightmarish experiences while flying?