Things Our Cat Would Say at a Holiday Party

Are my husband and I the only ones who wonder what it would be like if our cat could talk, and what would happen if we took him to a holiday party? We think it would be extremely fascinating, and he would be quite the conversationalist.

Man at Party: “Bartender, I’ll have what he’s having.”

Samuel the Cat: “I’m having a catsmopolitan. It’s made with catnip-flavored vodka and a splash of toilet water.”


Man at Party: “You have to try these crabcakes. They have a really unique flavor.”

Samuel the Cat: “That’s because I just licked them all after licking my butt.”


Man at Party: “Do you live around here?”

Samuel the Cat: “Yes, upstairs on the 4th floor, apartment #401, in the underwear drawer.”


Man at Party: “What do you do for work?”

Samuel the Cat: “I’m a day trader. I specialize in fur ball exchanges and litter deposits.”


Man at Party: “Do you have any big plans for the holiday?”

Samuel the Cat: “No, just the usual. I plan on sleeping through it.”


Man at Party: “What do you like to do for fun?”

Samuel the Cat: “I love to workout. That cat scratcher is great for toning my arms.”


Man at Party: “Have you been to any interesting places lately?”

Samuel the Cat: “Does the litterbox count?”


Man at Party: “Do you have any kids?”

Samuel the Cat: “You’re kidding me, right? I was neutered 5 years ago.”


What do you think your pets would say if you took them to a holiday party?



Filed under Furry Tales

6 responses to “Things Our Cat Would Say at a Holiday Party

  1. My dog would say “Food! Food! Food!”

    Then he’d finish and say “Gotta poop! Gotta poop! Gotta poop!”

    • Very true. Top priorities for a dog. One of our dogs is incredibly needy, so he would probably say “Food! Now pet me! Food! Now pet me!” That could go on all night. The holiday party would never end. 😉

  2. The 16 year old cat would assume it was a party in her honor.

  3. My pup is an attention whore – I’m sure she would be dancing on the tables exclaiming “Look at me boys!”

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